Research has shown that our ability to manage emotions (ours and those of others) determines success in life far better than having a high IQ (being intelligent). This ability to manage emotions in ourselves and others is called emotional intelligence. It is a crucial aspect of character and serves as a shepherd of our IQ. Without being skillful in managing emotions, your academic or artistic intelligence won’t take you very far. Why is managing emotions so important? Below we look at five reasons why.
Emotions affect our attention, learning, and memory. When we feel strong unpleasant emotions, we stop being curious or having a desire to learn. Instead, we go into survival mode—fight/flight/freeze response. We close up. We don’t pay attention. Memory and learning are impaired. The prefrontal cortex—the part of our brain responsible for concentration is essentially cut off. As such, if we want to create a learning conversation—which is the goal in a pivotal conversation—we must take steps to reduce and manage strong unpleasant emotions in ourselves and our counterparts.
Emotions affect our creativity and performance. When people experience strong emotions, they don’t think straight. Creativity is impaired as they go into survival mode. Many dreams and new year resolutions die not because we don’t have the capacity to achieve our dreams. Why don’t all capable people achieve their dreams? Most of the time, their dreams are killed not by their lack of intelligence and ability but by their inability to manage the emotions that arise in the course of achieving the dream. For example, we can’t deal with frustration when the project is not going as desired. We can’t handle disappointment or failures, anxieties/sadness surrounding our performance, difficult feedback, and unmet expectations. Because of these things we become discouraged and give up. We give up more frequently because of our inability to handle emotions than for our lack of cognitive and physical capacity to carry out the task. Professor Marc Brackett, the director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence often says that “emotions are the fuel of our creative process, but it’s our emotion skills that determine whether or not we create a product.”[1] During moments of inspiration and curiosity, we conceive ideas to achieve goals. However, success at achieving our goals depends on the long-term management of emotions. Research has shown that people who have the skills to manage their emotions and those of their counterparts have a greater chance of achieving their dreams.
Emotions impact physical and mental health. For example, most of the reasons people see a primary care doctor can be traced back to chronic or toxic stress. Chronic stress can cause or exacerbate some mental disorders such as generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, bipolar, insomnia, and so forth. Stress is associated with heart disease, cancers, obesity, and increase overall mortality.
Emotions impact our relationships with ourselves and others. Our emotions affect how we view ourselves, think about ourselves, and treat ourselves. Emotions affect whether we get out of bed, take a shower, and have a great start to our day or not. They impact our decision to care for ourselves or abandon ourselves. In very serious emotional distress, such as depression, people have killed themselves. Our emotions also either draw people to us or away. They serve as signals that tell them we are welcoming and inviting them to come and interact with us or telling them to stay away.
Emotions affect our decision-making. Even though we like to think we are wholly rational beings, research has shown that we make our decisions based on our emotions and justify them with data. We all know this naturally. If you want to ask your parent for permission to go out with your friends or do something important to you, should you ask him when he is in a bad mood or wait for when he is in a good mood? Of course, we wait for when they are in a good mood.
How we feel significantly influences our choices (what we decide). If we are in a good mood, we are likely to see tasks as easy and when asked to help choose to do so without problems. The time we spend doing them is likely to pass without noticing if we are having fun (positive emotions) while doing it. However, if we are in a bad mood, we are likely to see simple tasks as too bothersome and likely to make the decision to postpone them for another time. Marketers know this truth that we make decisions with our emotions and employ that when they create advertisements.
[1]https://www.coursera.org/learn/managing-emotions-uncertainty-stress/lecture/P8KB7/why-emotions-matter-creativity Last accessed on July 15, 2021
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