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Repentance and Confession Frees us to Live Fully

“He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” Proverbs 28:13

Repentance and confession are works of God’s grace that empower a person to break free from sin and live the abundant life that Jesus came to give. They are a crucial part of admitting our contribution to conflict and taking responsibility. Having said that, what exactly are repentance and confession?

1. A picture of biblical repentance and confession

A picture speaks a thousand words, and so does a story or illustration.

The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector

To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’
“But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’
“I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” Luke 18:9-14 NIV

The tax collector repented. The Pharisee was too blind to see his weaknesses to repent.

The parable of the Lost Son (Prodigal Son)

Jesus told the following story:

“There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.

“Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need.  So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ So he got up and went to his father.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

This prodigal son truly repented. And God (the father in this story) forgave him immediately and restored his lost sonship rights.

Notice what he did:

First, “he came to his senses” – this means he realized how foolish, unwise, and reckless he had acted. This likely someone who was so full of pride that it blinded him of the consequences of his actions. This idea of coming to one’s senses is repentance, metanoia, or mind-change.

Second, as a result of coming to his senses, he became humble and said, “How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father…” Can you imagine the humility it takes for this gentleman to return home after what he did? Many people would rather commit suicide than come back to face the consequences of their sins like this guy. If he had died in the distant country he went, no one would have known. His dignity might have been retained in those he left behind. At least, they would never know what happened. Yet, he humbly chooses to return. Moreover, from the text, you can see that he was not expecting the grace he received. It would have been gracious enough to him for his father to make him one of his hired hands.

Third, he said he would return to his father and say to him: “Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.” This is his confession he is about to make. Though it is brief, it is packed full of many things that were communicated without really saying.

He takes the initiative to go and ask for forgiveness.

He addresses everyone he has hurt: First, he admits he has sinned against God — all sins are sins against God. Next, he addresses his father directly and directly confesses to him – this is the person he had hurt. With this kind of humility, there is no doubt that he would address his brother and others as well.

He specifically admits his wrong without reservation. He says, “I have sinned against heaven and against you.” To keep the story short, Jesus does not go into detail. But the story tells it all, and his wrong is obvious.

He eliminates words like if, maybe, but, perhaps, I guess, etc., from his speech and does not use any words that seem to make light of what he did.

He accepts the consequences of his sins. He says, “I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.” He didn’t come saying, “please forgive me, I would never do it again…Please, can I borrow some money from you to get my own place?” No, with a contrite spirit that is sorry for all the harm he has caused, he asks only to be made one of the hired servants.

He shows commitment to habit change. Our habits create our behavior. The fact that this Rolls Royce and Rolex guy has made up his mind to instead work as a servant is absolutely a change from the lascivious behavior he used to have that produced his sin to one that is commensurate with his repentance.

Without saying, you can tell that this lost son is remorseful and acknowledges the pain he has caused his father. That prompts him to ask for the punishment (losing his rights as a son) even before the father says anything about it.

The parable of the lost son teaches us the ideal way to repent and confess. Later, you will be introduced to my

John Baptized unto Repentance

In those days John the Baptist came, preaching in the wilderness of Judea and saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.” …People went out to him from Jerusalem and all Judea and the whole region of the Jordan. Confessing their sins, they were baptized by him in the Jordan River.

But when he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees coming to where he was baptizing, he said to them: “You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath? Produce fruit in keeping with repentance. And do not think you can say to yourselves, ‘We have Abraham as our father.’ I tell you that out of these stones God can raise up children for Abraham. The ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire.

“I baptize you with b water for repentance. But after me comes one who is more powerful than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.” Matthew 3:1-11 NIV

John singled-out the Pharisees and Sadducees and emphasized that they must produce fruit in keeping with repentance. Why? They were the kind of people who would go through the motions of something as important as a baptism, which was done unto repentance but actually not produce the personal change that testifies to that repentance. They could say, “I repent” but really had not repented. John saw right through them. They were going to think that their religious observance of the law protects them from the true heart change that the law itself requires. There are still people with the spirit of the Pharisees and Sadducees today from all walks of life. They apologize but do not really change or even intend to change. They confess but do not change. And it would be better if they did not even confess if they did not intend to change or do something about it. You could see how John would see them and get stirred up to give them those choice words.

John the Baptist’s presentation above brings up two key elements of repentance. That is confession and bearing fruit (life change). But there is an obvious third element that naturally comes before confession, which is self-examination.

John McArthur agrees, saying,

Repentance is no more a meritorious work than its counterpart, faith. It is an inward response. Genuine repentance pleads with the Lord to forgive and deliver from the burden of sin and the fear of judgment and hell. It is the attitude of the publican who, fearful of even looking toward heaven, smote his breast and cried, “God, be merciful to me, the sinner!” (Luke 18:13). Repentance is not merely behavior reform. But because true repentance involves a change of heart and purpose, it inevitably results in a change of behavior.

Like faith, repentance has intellectual, emotional, and volitional ramifications. Berkhof describes the intellectual element of repentance as “a change of view, a recognition of sin as involving personal guilt, defilement, and helplessness.” The emotional element is “a change of feeling, manifesting itself in sorrow for sin committed against a holy God.” The volitional element is “a change of purpose, an inward turning away from sin, and a disposition to seek pardon and cleansing.” (Berkhof, Systematic Theology, 486) Each of those three elements is deficient apart from the others. Repentance is a response of the total person; therefore some speak of it as total surrender.[1]

Question for students: Name some examples in the Bible where people repent or confess wrongs.

Here are some:

  1. King David repents and confesses of Uriah’s kill and adultery with Bathsheba.
  2. Peter repents after denying Christ.
  3. The prodigal son repents and confesses to father.
  4. Abigail repented in place of her husband.
  5. Zaccheus repented before Jesus.
  6. Jacob confessed to Esau.
  7. Nebuchadnezzar repented.
  8. The thief on the cross.
  9. Joseph’s brother repent.

Assignment to students: Study these cases and others that you have identified and write down lessons that you find.

A good example: The prodigal son.

A bad one: Jacob to Esau.

2. Repentance is…

After looking at the above pictures of repentance and confession in the Bible, let us sum up here what repentance is and what it is not.

Repentance is:

  1. A Choice. It is a decision we make. It is an act of the will.
  2. A Gift. It is not something we earn. We can’t do it on our own. We need God’s grace to do it. As such, we need to pray for it. As John McArthur says above, “Repentance is no more a meritorious work than its counterpart, faith.” Both repentance and faith are gifts from God. The power to repent comes from God. The ability to see our sins and repent is a gift from God that we must pursue through prayer, gladly receive, and exercise. It is something that the holy spirit helps us do.
  3. A mind-change. Through repentance, we change the way we think. Like the prodigal son, we “come to our senses.”  The word used in the New Testament for repent is the Greek word transliterated as metanoeó. Its the same word from which we have metamorphosis. It means “to change one’s mind or purpose.”
  4. Not merely a feeling of sadness or contrition. Instead, it involves the kind of Godly sorrow that brings about repentance, not the kind of sorry that comes because you did not get your way or because you were caught.
  5. Not merely an apology or saying one is sorry. It is, instead, a Spirit-enabled and empowered epiphany moment, a moment of realization of our sins and the resulting action of confession and production of fruit in keeping with repentance.
  6. Genuine when it produces the fruits of repentance. A change in heart/mind that leads to a change in behavior. Acts 26:20; Matt 3:8. Genuine repentance leads to a change in behavior.

Ezekiel 14:6 (NIV2011) “Therefore say to the people of Israel, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Repent! Turn from your idols and renounce all your detestable practices!

The apostle Peter preached, “Acts 3:19 (NIV2011) Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,”

Isaiah wrote, Isaiah 55:7 (NIV2011) “Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous their thoughts. Let them turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will freely pardon. ”

John the Baptist – “produce fruit in keeping with repentance.” Matt. 3:8

Paul preached, that people should “repent and turn to God and demonstrate their repentance by their deeds.” Acts 26:20 

…Behave in a way that proves that you have genuinely repented…

No fake repentance is acceptable. Anyone who has repented must prove by the way he lives that he has repented. In other words, he must produce fruit in keeping with his repentance. It is not enough to simply say that we are sorry. Saying we are sorry is good, but it is not enough. Our actions must corroborate what we say. Our words and actions must line up. If someone says he has repented but acts differently, that person has not truly repented. He is just saying that he has.

Confirming Repentance

Sometimes, to forgive someone, if you have any doubt that they have truly repented, you can confirm their repentance. People may not truly repent for two reasons. One, they may not fully understand the degree of the hurt they caused. They may not fully see the extent that their actions hurt other people. In that case, a person may be repenting for something that feels to him as stepping on another person’s toes, while in reality, what was done was more than stepping on another person’s toes. It might have actually been stabbing that person in the heart. As such, in order for a person to repent correctly, he must have a full understanding of how his actions have hurt others. Then he must fully accept responsibility for all his actions.

Confirming repentance sometimes may mean we sit down with people and help them see exactly how their actions hurt others. If someone cannot see clearly how their actions hurt others, they are not ready to repent. Any repentance offered will not be true. To truly repent, one must truly see the problem as it is. Any misperception of the problem will lead to a misdirected repentance.

Two, we may need to confirm repentance because some people simply say they are sorry to move on, not because they really believe that they are sorry. If a person does not believe that he is sorry, then he cannot really change. Remember, repentance is a change of mind that then produces a corresponding action that proves the change of mind. Repentance is not merely an action. It is a change of mind that is followed by corresponding actions.

Three, some people might be deceptive. They might know their actions, know how much it has hurt the people involved, but somehow feel that they deserved what has been done to them. As such, deep inside, this person does not see any reason for repentance. However, he says he repents just because he wants to avoid the situation.

Seven Signs of Genuine Repentance

According to Pastor Steve Cornell, the following seven signs indicate genuinely repentant[2]:

  1. Accepts full responsibility for his or her actions. (Instead of: “Since you think I’ve done something wrong . . . ” or “If I have done anything to offend you . . .”)
  2. Welcomes accountability from others.
  3. Does not continue in the hurtful behavior or anything associated with it.
  4. Does not have a defensive attitude about being in the wrong.
  5. Does not dismiss or downplay the hurtful behavior.
  6. Does not resent doubts about their sincerity or the need to demonstrate sincerity—-especially in cases involving repeated offenses.
  7. Makes restitution where necessary.”

3. The Process of Repentance and Confession

Sometimes, we talk about repentance and confession as two separate steps. That is fine. However, in reality, confession is simply the verbal expression of repentance. It is really part of the same thing. Below, we examine the entire process.

-Self-examination: The Lost Son went through a process of self-examination that led to his journey back home. When examining yourself, review a list of the common causes of conflict and prayerfully examine yourself if you are committing one of them or have committed one of them.

-Repentance: There is a mind change. E.g., the lost son came to his senses.

-Confession: Confession is the verbal proclamation of true repentance. Genuine confession flows from a genuinely repentant heart. For how to deliver a good confession, see Forgiveness SPEECH.

-Production of Fruit: Yield fruit in keeping with repentance. There should be personal life change when you repent and confess.

Produce fruit in keeping with repentance

…No one is irredeemable…

When President Obama, the first African American president of the United States launched his campaign for president, his slogan became “Yes We Can”. He came with a refreshing message of change in American that a lot of Americans were ready for. Whether he delivered the change he promised is something that is up for debate and republicans and democrats in the United States have different opinions about Obama’s presidency.

Political change is a very difficult thing to accomplish because it involves working to change others and their perceptions and paradigms of the world, things that are out of the control of many leaders.

“No one can persuade another to change. Each of us guards a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside. We cannot open the gate of another, either by argument or by emotional appeal.”Marilyn Ferguson

The change I want us to focus on in this section of the book is personal change, not political change. Though personal change is not easy by any stretch of the imagination, the good thing is that it is within our control. We can make the decision to change today. And, yes, we can change. Yes, you can change!

When you realize the full scope of your weaknesses and how much they hurt others and yourself, sometimes a sense of hopelessness can set it. You may wonder if someone as screwed up as you can ever change.  I’m here to tell you that everyone—I mean all people—can change. You can change if you put your mind to it. The material in this book will help you with that journey.

Neuroplasticity. As science has advanced, we have learned a fundamental and comforting truth—that we can change our old thought and behavior patterns and replace them with new patterns. Our brains have the ability to change in structure and function in response to experience or training. We can literally renew our minds and become transformed into new people who are able to act and behave differently.  This ability is called neuroplasticity and is the secret to breaking old habits of sin and yielding fruit in keeping with repentance.

We can do so by developing new neural pathways. There is great hope for change for everyone who makes to make his or her life better. That change literally happens as we start renewing our minds by learning good ways of doing things. When we start reading, reflecting, reviewing, and practicing new and more adaptive ways of doing things, our hearts begin to change, and before you know it, we start spontaneously doing the right things and acting in the right ways. It becomes easier and easier when we open our mouths to speak for the right words—that comfort and bless people to come out, not the words that hurt people. Indeed, out of the abundance of your good hearts, you mouth will speak. Out of the same abundance, you will spontaneously do good. Your attitudes and behaviors will change.

Yet, this doesn’t come easy. Change is difficult and takes time. Change is a process, not an event. Here are some things that you can do to move the process along. There are no strongholds of the mind or wrong thought patterns that produce reprobate behaviors and words that cannot be overcome when we set our hearts to renew our minds to do good. What I have experienced and learned is that anyone who sets out to do good will see that the winds of goodwill blow just at the right time that you need help and will enter the sails of your ship and help you move to victory when you are your weakest and most vulnerable.

No one who seeks out to do good and learn to live a better and more honorable life will ever regret it. Those who seek truth and goodwill eventually find it. It doesn’t matter how many mistakes you’ve made in life and how screwed up your life can be.

Start renewing or transforming your mind by focusing on better ways of living. Use the science of neuroplasticity to create change for your life by:

  1. Reflection or Meditation. Spend time in focused thinking on whatever is good. Use your imagination to see yourself living a good and honorable life and behaving in ways you’ve never behaved before.
  2. Use your independent will to commit to change
  3. Train your conscience to become sensitive again to doing what is right.
  4. Use your self-awareness to continue to examine yourself objectively and make changes.
  5. Delight yourself in God and what is good. Train your tastes to be happy doing what is good. Yes, you can. Learn to love and adore the principle-driven life with all your heart, mind, strength, and soul. In life, good and evil are always around us. The only way to stay away from evil is to be completely married to good and hold onto good so tight that evil has no chance. For example, if you used to find joy in drugs, learn to find joy in other things like sports, games, spending time with friends, running, working out in the gym, reading a good book. It’s amazing how possible it is to retrain our bodies to love doing what is right if we simply focus and try hard. When you start doing this, you will eventually discover that there are many good habits that are more fun and bring pleasure than some of the bad habits that once brought you pleasure. Yet, these good habits are also good for our health and wellbeing. Being good doesn’t have to short-change our fun, it can actually increase it and give us a better life to have more fun.
  6. Pray. If you believe in the power of prayer, then pray for strength and wisdom to effect change in your life. Many people have reported having their prayers answered in this area of change.
  7. Study. There is nothing that is going to help you grow and change more than finding sources of truth that affirm the way of life that you desire and studying them, meditating on them, hanging out with others who have the same ambition, and practicing that truth daily without fail. To continue to change, you need to be hungry to learn and always remain a learner.
  8. Get help. You need help to change – Get a support system that can help encourage and hold you accountable for change. Surround yourself with people who think the way you want to start thinking.

What is standing between you and the life that you want to live is your mindset, your paradigm. To get where you want to go, you need to change the way you think. You ended where you ended because your old way of thinking got you there. To get to a new place, you must change your thinking and build a new paradigm or way of thinking that can get you to where you want to go. You cannot get to your new destination with an old way of thinking. And the old way of thinking will only take you back to the mess you are right now.

There is a direct correlation between transformed thinking—or a new paradigm—and growth in character. There is no other way to develop your character without transforming your heart and mind. We need knowledge, understanding, and wisdom— all of which involve our mind — to grow in a meaningful and effective way.

Our mindsets don’t mysteriously get transformed overnight without our input and cooperation. Our personal leadership in the matter is essential.

Practice. Practice. Practice. All lasting change comes from hours and hours of practice. This is true for playing the piano, playing football, or doing anything. Put what you learn into practice every day. Resist the temptation to go back to your old ways when things get difficult.

For more, see:https://www.kennethmd.com/how-to-develop-a-new-habit/

Footnotes

[1] https://www.gty.org/library/articles/A330/what-is-biblical-repentance Last Accessed 12/23/2019

[2] https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/how-to-move-from-forgiveness-to-reconciliation/ Last Accessed 12/23/19