The Bible commands, “Don’t compare yourself with others. Just look at your own work to see if you have done anything to be proud of.” (Gal. 6:4 ERV). Is this command helpful in negotiations? You bet! In a win-win negotiation, not all the parties are going to win all the time equally. A good deal for you is something that is better than your BATNA (or plan B). However, many people don’t judge their success in a negotiation by achieving their walkaway point and helping their counterparts achieve theirs. Instead, if someone makes more money than us in a deal, we feel they have won, and we have lost even if the deal is better for us than our plan B.
For example, John, who lives in the U.S, owns a painting. He does his research and learns that the fair market price of the painting is $500. His cousin, Brad, is willing to buy the painting for $500. However, John wants to negotiate and sell the image to Dion for at least $600. He hopes to get $900. If he can’t sell it to James for $600, he would rather sell it to his cousin for $500. After negotiation, Dion pays $850 for the image. John got above his walkaway value and considered the deal a big win for him.
Dion, a dealer in these kinds of images, improves it and finds a European collector who buys it for $75,000. John hears about it and feels resentful. He changes from celebrating that he got a good deal to accusing Dion of taking advantage of him. Should John feel that way?
Consider another example. A man wishes to buy a special GPS for their family road trip next week. He wants a gently used one in time for the trip, does his research, and discovers that it is worth about 80 dollars. He goes to the local pawn shop, finds the GPS he wants, takes it to the counter, and tells the owner of the store:
“I have done my research. I know the cost of a new system and how much other places sell used ones. I don’t want any back and forth with the price. I will pay you $60. Deal?”
“Deal!” replies the owner without hesitation. He pays and takes it home.
This man should feel great about his deal. He got it below what it was worth and in time for next week’s trip. All without spending his valuable time haggling over a price as he said he wanted. But is he happy with the deal? No. On his way home, he cannot stop thinking about the negotiation and feeling that he was probably cheated. He has buyer’s remorse.
Because the owner accepted his deal without hesitation, he feels it must be because he took advantage of him. It was too easy. Perhaps he paid too much, or the product was defective. Something must be wrong. He even considers returning the product but remembers it works, he needs it for his trip in a few days, and pawnshop sales are final—he can’t return it. This man has a good deal in his hands, but he can’t enjoy it simply because he compares himself to others. If it’s a win for the owner, it must be a loss for him. But does it have to be that way?
Instead of defining winning with an absolute goal that focuses on his own performance relative to his plan B (BATNA), he defines it in relative terms focused on his perception of how the other person does. The other person must lose if he is to win. Unfortunately, this means that, in this case, he lives in regret even after he has won.
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